So, I've been back home for three whole weeks, which seems like madness! Why does time insist on going by so quickly!? In truth though, some days I wish I'd stayed away. Since I moved here in May, every month has shown me a different side to the city. There have been great highs and spectacular lows. Currently, we're in one of the lows and I'm trying to hold on to the scraps of positivity I manage to stumble across.
Berlin is currently in Christmas overload - Alexanderplatz is heaving with shoppers, there's a Christmas market or three in every neighbourhood and I can't go into any store in the vicinity, without there being a Christmas song playing. It's making me feel like the Grinch. I am just completely numb to the festivities. No cheer resides in me whatsoever. I tried to find some, I really did, I made the effort to go to a few of the markets recently with a friend, but alas, it was all in vain, as not even the carolers were able to revive my worn out soul.
There's so much going on in the city right now and yet, I feel no inclination to participate. It would seem that I'm in a gloomy winter hole of my own creation. If I'm honest though, I think a lot of my sadness has to do with my feelings of isolation. My closest friends are all a country away and the people who I thought were my friends here in Berlin, have not exactly shown themselves to be great allies, essentially leaving me to wile away my days in great solitude.
I didn't mind my solitary state in the summer months, when the days were long and heated and I spent my time reading and eating pastries in the park, stretching out at yoga and cycling through the streets exploring. Now though, I am filled with emptiness, that is tinged with hints of despair, constantly questioning as to whether or not I'd be better somewhere else, somewhere warm, but I know that's not the answer.
Oh winter, you are so expected and your effect on me is always the same and yet, it never seems to get any easier and I am never any better prepared! Am I the only one feeling this blue?
If you enjoy what you read, please feel free to share it with others.