A strange thing happened to me the other day; I came out of yoga (yes, yes yoga again), it was a gloriously sunny day, I grabbed a vegan friendly pastry from the Biomarkt across the road, along with a handful of cherries & went to the park at Mariannenplatz, to soak up the rays & read a book.  All of a sudden, as I sat down, this wave of positivity washed over me & I just felt at ease & completely happy.

I wolfed down my pastry, smiling away to myself & wondered why I had ever worried about anything.  Why had I become so hung up on being homeless.  So against carrying on.  Resigned to a feeling of failure.  It was as though, in that moment, all of those feelings just fell away & suddenly everything just felt right.

Speaking to Katie later the next day, she described it as a 'second wind' & in some ways, that is just how it felt.  Somewhere, between the sunshine, the sugar & the vinyasa, I had gained new energy, renewed my faith & found some motivation to carry on.  Sure, it'd be great to have a home.  Finally, a place to call my own, but I trust that when the time is right, I'll find one.  In the meantime, why not embrace the journey, enjoy the ride.

The repetitive error that I know I seem to perpetually make is, over thinking & continually bringing a sense of expectancy with me, wherever I go, so that when things don't work out quite to plan, I feel as though somehow I've failed.  Disappointment kicks in, which throws me into a sense of loss & then all of a sudden, I'm out at sea, over-analysing every decision I make.  Running circles round myself, pulling my hair out, wondering why life is 'falling apart'.

Well, no more.  The first step to stopping a bad habit, is to first recognise & acknowledge it.  So I'm choosing to let go.  I'm choosing to trust.  I'm believing in myself, in life, in the process.  I'm going with the flow, wherever it chooses to take me.  Heck, I've got this far haven't I & what a journey it's been & one entirely without a plan!

On Sunday, I fly back to Rome for the month, after which I will be free to explore this world a little more.  I love Berlin & will be sobbing in the airport when I leave, but I accept that, if I'm not in a position to stay when I return in July, I will embrace the opportunity to go somewhere new.  Summer is coming, my birthday is approaching & the beach is calling.  I would still really like to spend some time in Croatia & visit Greece.  Maybe pick some fruit, soak up the sun, generally enjoy my life, I mean, after all, isn't that what it's for?

When the time is right, I trust that all the things my heart desires; a home, a job, a partner, they will all appear.  Until then, I guess I'm just gonna be busy living.

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