The Long Goodbye


To the girl that you once knew, who was destroyed and then rebuilt in the shape of a woman.  Whose strength was forged in the fire that you nursed with words of love and a future that would never come to be.

To the dreams that were built around empty promises and kisses that held just enough sweetness to trickle down my throat and feed me for weeks.  It seems you mastered touching me, without ever touching me at all.

To the magic and the mysticism, that kept our love alive for so long, because it was destiny and it was meant to much more than it ever was.  The conversations held without a single word ever needing to be uttered and the serendipity of our meeting and every other after.

To the tears that you detested seeing spilt on every pavement and in every place we ever came to be. Fervent heatwaves of emotion brought on by yet another callous word you'd so carelessly chosen to throw in my direction.

To the lonely nights spent regurgitating every word ever spoken, tongue-twisting round each syllable until it was numb, attempting to decipher the meaning behind your morse code.  Countless hours of sleep lost to waiting up, to holding on.  Madness feverishly brewing in the uncertainty of silence.

To my body, my love, my everything that failed to offer you the inspiration you so wildly demanded in lieu of your commitment.  The hollowness you carved into my soul as you compared me to her, to them, to all the distractions you felt so necessary to hold on to.

To the time spent hanging on to your coattails, that always led me into the nothingness.  I lost myself a thousand times trying to find you in the darkness that kept your fears fed.  Swallowing my pride to be the bigger person, only to make myself small enough for you to consume, so as to feel in control.

To the forgiveness bestowed upon you, by a heart that became stronger than it should ever have needed to be.  Unlike you, my love learnt to be gracious in the face of rejection.  It learnt what it was to be fearless.  What it was to live without regret.  What is was to learn.

And to all those exact lessons, learnt the hard way, through your most brutal of teachings.  Your inability to nourish me forced me to feed myself.  Your lack of truth only redefining mine.  You have blessed me with a gift that keeps on giving.  And give I must, to someone new.  Goodbye.