{Resolution 5} Start where you are.

If I've learnt anything in the past year, it's that sometimes you just need to completely let go - of your expectations, your grip on things, your fear and learn to just go with the natural flow of life.  Okay guys, admittedly this is easier said than done at times.  I myself often struggle.  I'm a really structured person, I appreciate a little routine and knowing upfront where I'm heading and what's in-store.  I'm impatient and I like things to happen at lightning speed, because hey, once I get an idea in my head and allow myself to get excited, I don't want to be waiting around!  But sometimes, just sometimes, you've got to take a step back, slow right down and accept that things might not be heading straight in the direction you were aiming for.  Sometimes you have to accept a detour.

With Mercury in retrograde this month, my current detour back in England couldn't be more apt!  If you're not astrologically inclined, Mercury, the great planet of communication, likes to take a little step back in time on average about three times a year, for the duration of about three weeks.  This reversal tends to throw a few things off balance and can disrupt even our best laid plans.  Yes, it can be hectic and a little brutal, however, it's also a good time for deep reflection.  Going back over your ideas, your thoughts, your values and any plans you've made and really questioning whether they're still right, or in need of adjustment.

For me, things in Berlin had simply reached a stalemate in every aspect and my mind had become fogged, meaning I was completely unable to make an informed decision about what to do next.  Although returning to England in some ways will always feel a little defeatist, even if it is only for a few weeks vacation, I have come to recognise that it was the right thing to do and it has most definitely been a positive step in the right direction.  Staying with my beautiful best Charlotte and her lovely fiance Sebastian, has kept me grounded and boosted my positivity and creativity no end.  They are both very heart-centred loving people and I think, when you're around that type of energy, it just can't help but rub off on you.

I've been able to really shift my perspective and re-evaluate a few things this past week.  I honestly love my work, I love living in Berlin and whilst I am still climbing a very steep hill to get to where I really want to be, I am truly happy.  I think it's important to acknowledge that at the end of the day, we're all human and we humans don't half have a lot of emotion encased within our fleshy selves.  Unfortunately, at times, whilst our higher selves might be clued up and believing, occasionally our emotions will get the better of us and no doubt, we will find ourselves crumbling into a teary heap of disbelief and doubt.  That's okay.  That's normal.  That's what comes of having one foot on the ground and the other in the ether.  The main thing is to feel what you feel when you feel it and then let it go.

For the most part, we are all striving to get to a particular destination.  Each individual to ourselves.  It's hard not to want to click your fingers and for it all to be magically manifested in front of you, but these things take time and let's face it, as impatient as we can sometimes be, we know that the best things in life are worth waiting for.  So this Mercury retrograde is a particularly good time to reaffirm to yourself what it is that you want in life, where it is you're aiming for.  We might not be able to have it all right this minute, but we can at least do what we can, with what we have, right now and be appreciative of that.

Look inside yourself, everything that you want, you are already that.
— Rumi

N.B.  All photos accompanying my Happiness Project posts will be taken from one of my Pinterest boards, which hosts all the images that make me happy.  Feel free to check it out in the meantime, for more happy snaps.

If you enjoy what you read, please feel free to share it with others.

{Resolution 4} I am already enough.

Over the recent months, I have received an increasing amount of communication from some of you, my beautiful readers, in regards to various matters.  Firstly, I want to say, how deeply touched I am by the kind & loving words that I receive.  Each letter, email, or comment really affects me & brings a smile to my face & occasionally, a joyous tear to my cheek.  I love reading all of your words & I want to assure you, that I will always have the time to receive or reply to them, so don't stop!

The contents of these communications, as I say, are varied, however, something that inspired me with my fourth resolution was, the feeling of 'not enough'.  This is not so much about seeking things externally, but more so about how we come to expect too much of ourselves.  We seem to be the first to put ourselves up on pedestals & the first to knock ourselves off!  I think it's fair to say, that whilst we may occasionally find ourselves in judgement of others, it is usually because we are silently & at times harshly, judging ourselves.

How easily do we tear ourselves apart, often over the smallest of things.  Whether it be our physicality, our work, our creativity, our overall life accomplishments.  We can go from feeling on top of the world, to one comment away from exploding into a handful of emotional confetti.  It would seem that out of everyone, we need to be the first person to start cutting ourselves some slack.  Start accepting some of our own flaws & equally, our own emotional sensitivities.

After all, life is a fluid motion, going from one minute to the next, day after day, year after year.  We are not capable of being happy, or energized or motivated at every moment of that time.  It would be unnatural.  We need to accept that there will be low points from time to time.  Occasionally we need to flat line, in order to rest & recharge.  Sometimes it's important to take a step back, be alone, find peace in some solitude.  It is not weak, it is not wrong & most importantly, you do not, I repeat, YOU DO NOT need to apologise for this!

The more we start to accept ourselves, as we are, the less we seek approval from others & perhaps in turn, this feeling of inner harmony helps to ease our judgement of others.   Which, considering most of these judgements tend to be a projection of our own internal issues, it would probably be a healthy start dealing with them.

At a very basic level, when you look at the world, everyone is battling their own inner demons, whether they're the size of tiny mice, slowly nibbling away at their core, like it's a piece of cheddar, or a lion, preparing to rip them to shreds.  It's important to keep that in mind when you fall into the trap of comparing yourself to others.  Yes, perhaps on the surface they look like they've got their shit together, but really, they have their down days too.

So stop worrying.  Stop comparing.  Feel what you feel, when you feel it.  Don't suppress the sadness any more than you suppress the joy.  Allow yourself the downs & enjoy the ups.  Accept every part of you.  If there's something you aren't happy with, do something about it, but make it a positive change, don't simply dim your light having beaten yourself up over it.  We all change & evolve over time, so have some patience.  Most importantly of all, please remember, you are already enough!

I think by knowing who we are as people & being ourselves, we can start making the world better.
— Unknown

N.B.  All photos accompanying my Happiness Project posts will be taken from one of my Pinterest boards, which hosts all the images that make me happy.  Feel free to check it out in the meantime, for more happy snaps.

If you enjoy what you read, please feel free to share it with others.

{Resolution 3} Expect a Miracle.

Oh Berlin, how sneaky you are.  You crept up on me & took me completely by surprise.  Wrapping me up in your bosom & making me feel at home.  Now I am so settled within your urban scape, that I spend each day somewhat terrified of being parted from you.  The very thought of leaving your presence reduces me to tears, each & every time.

I remember back when I was fourteen & miserable, I decided that I would escape to live in Paris the moment I turned eighteen.  By the time I got to twenty, I was still living at home & still dreaming of Paris.  When I finally said goodbye to England for the last time, late July 2013, I thought I was setting off on a journey that would finally lead me to my dream life in the city of lights.  However, over a year later, it appears I have taken somewhat of a detour & ended up here in Berlin.

There is a somewhat magnetic pull, between my heart & this city & I am struggling not to give in.  I feel safe in its fluid energy.  Happy in its creative buzz.  Relaxed by its groove.  However, this feeling of settlement that washes over me, day in, day out, provides both a level of comfort & a pang of pain & trepidation.  It's been a while since I've genuinely had something to lose & I'd somewhat forgot how scary that can be.

With only a few hundred euros left nestling in my bank account, still nowhere permanent to live, my lack of the language keeping me from gaining the simplest of employment, my 'project' is all I have left to cling to, in hope of making 'shit happen'.  Whilst I have great faith in my ability to be abundant & manifest a positive outcome, I still can't help but stifle a pang of panic every now & then.

The thing is, in some ways, I'm happy to feel the bubbling nervousness.  It shows me how much I want it.  To be here, to finally be settled & at 'home'.  To have reached the end of what has been a tumultuous but life changing journey.  To be able to put into action, everything I've learnt over the past twelve months.

In essence, it is those very lessons that I need to put into practice now.  Like the final test of faith.  How much do you really believe?  How far are you willing to go?  At times it makes me crap my pants, the very thought that, despite having given up everything, from my money, to my possessions, to my security, my home, basically my entire life, now, in order to really start again, I need to be prepared to give up what's left.

What is left, I hear you ask.  Fear namely.  Fear of failing.  Fear that things won't work out.  Fear that I'm completely wrong with everything I believe.  Trusting in life, in the natural flow of things, is not easy & with the majority of society on the wavelength that you must think logically & be 'realistic' with your expectations, it's even harder to have a little faith & hold on to it.  Yet, every time I let go & trust, the lesson proves itself to me, time & time again.

I reach my cliff edge & I give up worrying that I might topple over, falling down into the abyss & all of a sudden a bridge appears before me & I'm able to carry on again.  The more this happens, the more I believe & the less & less I worry when I get to the next edge & the one after that.  Soon it all becomes one fluid movement, from one scenario to the next & all the seemingly negative situations that arise, suddenly seem like opportunities to reinforce my beliefs.

As I begin to approach, what feels like, the edge of the world, the final & biggest test of faith, I can only hope that I have it in me to let go completely, shed away the fear & make use of everything I have come to learn over the past twelve months.  To have sacrificed everything & learnt nothing, would be the ultimate fail & I'm too stubborn & too head strong to give up now.  I feel a connection to this city, like I've almost never felt before & I trust that if my gut says to stay, then I'll find a way to stay.

The doors will be opened to those who are bold enough to knock.
— Tony Gaskins

N.B.  All photos accompanying my Happiness Project posts will be taken from one of my Pinterest boards, which hosts all the images that make me happy.  Feel free to check it out in the meantime, for more happy snaps.

If you enjoy what you read, please feel free to share it with others.