Self Identity

If there is one thing I am finding quite hard to hold onto at the moment, it is quite simply, my self identity.  I got over losing my home, no longer having a car & being without a job.  My travels made me realise that my identity didn't have to come from those things.  However, my great sense of self has somewhat diminished, along with my style.

During the long hot summer in Sicily, I consistently wore a bare face, my hair in a top knot, dirt under my nails, my skin darkened heavily by the sun & I was happy.  Although, I moaned, "this isn't what I normally look like" to everyone that would listen, until a Spanish guy I was friends with, said "what does it matter, those things aren't important, they're not what define you."  I didn't want to agree, but he was right.

By the time winter came around, I had accepted this very stripped down version of myself.  The outer shell was no longer important, it was who I was as a person that mattered.  Sadly though, with spring gently rolling in, I have to admit, I'm struggling.  I can't help but miss my groomed former self.  My monthly mani-pedi, my waist length hair, that golden tan, which has now faded to a sickeningly pale tone.

Having sold the contents of my wardrobe, I am left with a pair of Hunter wellingtons & a beaten up pair of DMs.  I don't even own a pair of sandals, let alone a pair of heels.  My black skinny jeans have faded to ash & holes have formed in unfortunate places & all of my T-shirts & sweaters are equally falling apart.  'It doesn't matter' I tell myself, but y'know, it kinda does.

Getting down to the bare essentials, stripping right back, exploring the world, understanding more about yourself, it's all great, but honestly, in the past eight months, as much as I've gained, I equally feel as though I've lost.  Yes, maybe having great hair isn't important in the grand scheme of things, but being able to look in the mirror & like what you see, somewhat is.  If not just for your self esteem!

I want to be the best version of myself, I have a dream & in that dream, I don't look like the vagabond I currently see in the mirror.  I think, there comes a time when, you have to start taking baby steps towards making your dreams a reality.  There's no point visualising a skinnier, healthier, more stylish you, if you never do anything in reality to achieve this.  Seeing your dreams formulate into reality is all part & parcel of forming them in the first place.

In eight months, I've learnt to accept myself as I am, know what I want & who I want to be.  I've learnt a lot & even more so, I've learnt that if something makes you unhappy, you should do something about it.  I don't want to spend my time feeling miserable because of my appearance, so I think it's finally time I bought a new pair of jeans.

If you enjoy what you read, please feel free to share it with others.

{REVIEW} JĀSÖN Calming Lavender Deoderant Stick

On my quest to eradicate all unnatural, chemical laden products from my life, I have discovered a new deodorant, by the Californian brand JĀSÖN.

Founded in 1959, JĀSÖN's products are clinically tested, free from aluminium, parabens & other nasty chemicals & thankfully not in any way tested on animals.  Which makes them perfect for me, now that I'm back to shopping more consciously.

Having always been a fan of aerosol spray deodorants, after a disappointing experience or two with roll-ons, I was surprised by how much I liked their calming lavender deodorant stick.

The minute you pop off the cap, the intense smell of lavender hits your senses.  I like this stick because, unlike many other roll-ons, this one is not in any way sticky & doesn't leave you feeling like you need to dry out before getting dressed.  It's more like a moisturiser.  Goes on light & sinks in fast.

Having used this stick for over four months now, I've been really happy with it.  It's kept me feeling fresh & odour free.  There are five other scents in the range & I'm quite keen to try the apricot one next.

Now that I have been suitably impressed with their deodorant, I'm quite keen to try out the rest of their product range, which includes body lotions, dental care, hair care & more.

What's your favourite natural deodorant?

If you enjoy what you read, please feel free to share it with others.

{Insightful Sunday} Self Recognition

I recently came across this pin on Pinterest & it kind of summed up exactly how I've been feeling of late.

After four months of traveling, the last place I visited, before my Christmas break in England, was a Buddhist monastery near Rome.  Spending two hours a day meditating, really centred me & made me realise who & where I wanted to be.  I went back to England on a high & then seemingly, came crashing down, with great force.  It's one thing to find 'inner peace' in a monastery, a place of no distractions, but to take that peace & keep it with you, in the big troublesome world, well, that's a little harder.

I fell apart a little & although I managed to pull myself together in time to return to Italy, a week went by & I started to feel disillusioned again.  By the time I arrived in France, I was on full meltdown alert.  A part of it is knowing what I want to do, but accepting that I don't know how to get there yet.  I have learnt to accept that it's about knowing the destination & trusting in the journey, but sometimes, when you feel like nothing's changed, like you haven't got any closer to the end goal, it's hard to keep the faith.

Life can be so distracting & I constantly worry that I'll end up way off track, because I lost sight of where I was going.  Although, as John Lennon famously said, "Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans."  I know I can be a rigid individual, afraid to let go & I do try to embrace life & what crops up along the way.  Even the past few weeks have proved miraculous for me & been evidence to how life can work out, without you having to worry or force things.

The worst thing I could imagine, would be to get to the end of the year & look back on my travels & regret anything.  Not doing what I wanted to do, or embraced the moment enough.  Even if I don't make it to my apartment in Paris, if I'd had a year of blissful memories, then that would truly be enough.

If you enjoy what you read, please feel free to share it with others.