{Insightful Sunday} Completion

I was having a late night chat with my favourite person, Miss Charlotte, last night, about our dreams & I came to the realisation that a very LARGE & important part of mine, is having a partner.  Which, startled me in a way.  I'd always been such a feminist growing up, fully under the belief, that "you don't need a partner to complete you," but now, well, I kinda feel the opposite.

I want to share my life with someone, to share the highs & take comfort in their arms during the lows.  I've grown & developed over the past year, during my travels & I'm confident in myself & what I'm capable of, but sometimes, it's hard to do it all alone.  

I do think it's important to enter into a relationship on equal footing, knowing you are quite capable of being on your own, but appreciating being with someone else.  There is nothing more damaging in a relationship, than being reliant on someone else to make you happy.  It only serves to build up resentment & dependency, which wrecks a relationship like a bad case of woodworm.

Equally so, it's important to have a strong & healthy relationship with yourself, before you can have one with anyone else.  How could you ever accept someone's love, if you aren't capable of loving yourself, as you are, flaws & all.

Your partner should be your best friend, you should inspire each other, encourage each other, care for each other, be there for each other & LOVE each other, completely & unconditionally.  There is no compromise.  With billions of people in this world, there is someone, who fits with you like a jigsaw piece, who balances you out, who makes you want to be alive, to live, to breath, to feel, just because they're there & they make the world better.

I've had countless relationships start, then crash & burn before even becoming legitimate.  I've given my heart away, like a goody bag at the end of a kid's birthday party & had it shredded into confetti, on numerous occasions.  I'm done with dead ends & poor choices, I'm ready, ready for the end goal.  To find someone, who completes me, who fulfills me, who makes my life whole.

If they happen to be brown-eyed, bearded, have a penchant for skinny jeans & happen to be open to living in Paris, then all the better.

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{RECIPE} Protein Packed Raw Chocolate Brownies

I have found a wheat-free, super duper healthy alternative, to my gooey chocolate brownies, thanks to my friend Kitty, sending me the link to the recipe.

Protein-Packed Raw Chocolate Brownies

Packed full of nuts & seeds, these moist bars, naturally sweetened with maple syrup & cocoa powder, are high in fat burning protein!  What's that, a delicious chocolate brownie that aids weight loss!  That's officially a guilt-free indulgence!

Head over to MindBodyGreen for the recipe & try them out for yourself!

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Self Identity

If there is one thing I am finding quite hard to hold onto at the moment, it is quite simply, my self identity.  I got over losing my home, no longer having a car & being without a job.  My travels made me realise that my identity didn't have to come from those things.  However, my great sense of self has somewhat diminished, along with my style.

During the long hot summer in Sicily, I consistently wore a bare face, my hair in a top knot, dirt under my nails, my skin darkened heavily by the sun & I was happy.  Although, I moaned, "this isn't what I normally look like" to everyone that would listen, until a Spanish guy I was friends with, said "what does it matter, those things aren't important, they're not what define you."  I didn't want to agree, but he was right.

By the time winter came around, I had accepted this very stripped down version of myself.  The outer shell was no longer important, it was who I was as a person that mattered.  Sadly though, with spring gently rolling in, I have to admit, I'm struggling.  I can't help but miss my groomed former self.  My monthly mani-pedi, my waist length hair, that golden tan, which has now faded to a sickeningly pale tone.

Having sold the contents of my wardrobe, I am left with a pair of Hunter wellingtons & a beaten up pair of DMs.  I don't even own a pair of sandals, let alone a pair of heels.  My black skinny jeans have faded to ash & holes have formed in unfortunate places & all of my T-shirts & sweaters are equally falling apart.  'It doesn't matter' I tell myself, but y'know, it kinda does.

Getting down to the bare essentials, stripping right back, exploring the world, understanding more about yourself, it's all great, but honestly, in the past eight months, as much as I've gained, I equally feel as though I've lost.  Yes, maybe having great hair isn't important in the grand scheme of things, but being able to look in the mirror & like what you see, somewhat is.  If not just for your self esteem!

I want to be the best version of myself, I have a dream & in that dream, I don't look like the vagabond I currently see in the mirror.  I think, there comes a time when, you have to start taking baby steps towards making your dreams a reality.  There's no point visualising a skinnier, healthier, more stylish you, if you never do anything in reality to achieve this.  Seeing your dreams formulate into reality is all part & parcel of forming them in the first place.

In eight months, I've learnt to accept myself as I am, know what I want & who I want to be.  I've learnt a lot & even more so, I've learnt that if something makes you unhappy, you should do something about it.  I don't want to spend my time feeling miserable because of my appearance, so I think it's finally time I bought a new pair of jeans.

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