{Insightful Sunday} Never too late to change.

Just as I think I'm on the path to self discovery, I find myself a little lost, caught up in the haze of Berlin's nightlife.  So many plans for the weekend, all lost to too many drinks & the snooze button.  I can't say I regret it, but equally, I think I've come to realise, that perhaps the things I tried to leave behind, were left there for a reason, a damn good one.

I do not miss overinflated entry fees to smoky dank clubs, where being intoxicated on a combination of chemical substances is a prerequisite.  Or finding myself sharing a cubicle in the women's toilets with the local drug dealer.  These are not my finest moments & act as a stark reminder of the kinds of craziness I left behind.

I have a good sense of direction, but it seems I am easily distracted & have a tendency to find myself adrift at times, rehashing old destructive behaviour.  I could easily have fallen back into very negative old ways this weekend, but if anything, it has reaffirmed the changes I've been attempting to implement.  That's the thing though, it's okay to fall down on the way to a better destination.

The trips & stumbles aren't the issue, it's learning from those minor setbacks, not getting discouraged & trying again that's important.  I want to be a clean living vegan yogi & damn it, I'm not afraid to put it out there.  I care about myself & the environment.  I want to do good things & be a good person.  I'm passionately curious & vehemently determined to make something good happen in my life.

I want to be the best version of myself I can be & despite my natural ability to be exceptionally self-critical, I have to accept that the path to a better existence may take time & a fair few hangovers along the way.  It's important to remember that regardless of where you're at, what you've done, or where you aim to be, it's never too late to make a positive change.

Starting first thing tomorrow, I'm off to seek out the elusive Yellow-Yoga centre, with my new friend Lucy & begin my yogi transformation.  'Breath in the positivity, exhale the negativity.'  I aim to get back into eating clean & molding my body into a toned temple, ready for the summer & having finally resolved some issues with exes this weekend, including Beard, I feel ready to finally move on & make room in my life & my heart for the right person.  It's time to let go of the past, feel excited for the future & embrace the present.

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{Lately on Instagram}

My first week in Berlin is over.  I've gone from catching a flight from Stockholm last Friday, to exploring the many quirks of Prenzlauer Berg, my new neighbourhood, to drinking in the afternoon with bearded strangers, to eating far too much cake, in cool vegan cafes & finally being able to indulge in a spot of retail therapy.  I'm wondering what the next three weeks have in store for me, before I head back to Rome!

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Happiness is the truth.

 

I feel as though my anxiety over Berlin & perhaps life in general, has finally & thankfully subsided & I have actually begun enjoying myself.  Hoorah!  Yesterday afternoon, whilst sipping fruity cocktails with a bearded Swedish guy I met down in Kreuzberg (more on that later), I realised that I spend most of my time tense & riddled with anxiety.  I seem to have an inane inability to simply enjoy the moment & relax.  Constantly worrying that I should be doing more, seeing more, that my life should be more than what it is.

The thing is, when I think about it, life simply evolves organically.  Everything in my life, good & bad, has naturally occurred, regardless of my forceful intentions, impatience & usual pushy tendencies.  Which makes me realise, that I spend the majority of my life stressing over things that will essentially occur or not occur regardless.  So, I made a conscious decision to simply stop worrying.

Now that I've freed up my brain from soul crushing anxiety, I have made room for more positive thoughts, like how I can use my time productively & work on improving myself further.  First things first, I found a yoga centre down in Kreuzberg, called Yellow Yoga, which does unlimited yoga, for a flat rate of €50 a month.  Which is a pretty good deal when you consider bikram yoga here is €15 a class!  I figure I might as well make the most of my free time, by spending my days stretching into a summer body, whilst networking with the hot bearded yogi on the next mat.

In fact, it was whilst attempting to find said yoga centre, that I met the aforementioned bearded Swede.  I never found the centre, but I did make a new friend & spent the day sipping cocktails, whilst soaking up the rays.  This is a part of Berlin life that I enjoy, being able to connect with people.  The other day I was on the U-Bahn & the carriage was alive with conversation.  Such a stark contrast to the underground in London, where you get the stink eye for talking to the friend beside you.

Another aspect of Berlin that I love, is the mass vegan culture.  It doesn't matter where you are, which neighborhood, or which street, there is always somewhere vegan friendly to eat.  For instance, I met a Japanese guy on the street in Mitte the other day & we ended up going for burritos at Dolores (Rosa-Luxemburg-Straße 7, 10178).  They had two vegan options for the burritos & then a few more options for sides & nachos.  I went for the Vegan Lover - smoky corn soy meat, guacamole, peanut salsa, rice, black beans, veggies & salad.  It came out the size of a small child!  I ate the whole thing & then died for about three hours.  Cycling home with a food baby is tough, believe me.

Over the weekend, Katie & I cycled to OhLaLa (Mainzer Straße 18, 10247), a French vegan cafe, that does the best cakes I've ever had.  I had the Tresor, which was essentially a praline shell, covered in a chocolate mousse, sprinkled with nuts, with a liquid chocolate centre.  It was so good, but needless to say, I felt exceptionally queasy afterwards.  I'm quite hopeful that OhLaLa will become our weekend haunt, especially as they do vegan chocolate crêpes!  My favourite!

The main thing I'm really enjoying about this city, is the cycle culture.  Having not been on a bicycle for over fifteen years, I was genuinely terrified to ride again.  I feel they lie when they say you never forget, I certainly had to relearn a little.  Having acquired a basic BMX, thanks to Katie, I successfully wobbled my way from Prenzlauer Berg to Friedrichshain over the weekend, feeling very proud of myself, until it ended in a very ungraceful & rather public, fall to the ground when I tried to dismount.  Still, all that peddle pushing certainly released those happy making endorphins & I very quickly got addicted.  Now I cycle everywhere, on the road, off the road.  Being able to get across town quickly & for free, whilst still exercising is great!  Might be a while yet though before I learn to take corners...

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