{Insightful Sunday} Appreciation

Honestly, today I feel depleted.  Depleted of my energy, my enthusiasm, my motivation & my positivity.  I am drained, both physically & emotionally & more homesick than I've ever been before.  If I could, I would curl up into a ball, wrap myself in a duvet & sob my way through a bar of chocolate.  Only, I can't do that, so I must persevere & carry on.

Losing everything & starting again, is like a double edged sword.  On the one hand, it's a fresh start, a chance to learn from your mistakes & try again.  On the other hand, it's a painful separation & a traumatic blow.

The first few months were the worst, I felt broken & thrown out into the wind, just trying to catch the breeze.  Then, slowly but surely, I started to feel my way, moving slowly into a state of acceptance, eventually growing stronger & feeling uplifted by my freedom.  This was my chance to make a change.

It's tiring though.  Living in the breeze. Trusting that the turns I make are the right ones.  Believing in myself, especially when sometimes I feel like others don't.  This is standing on my own two feet alright.  Although sometimes it's like standing on quick sand.

Whilst it's difficult, I'm so thankful for everything I've gained from letting go.  I appreciate & cherish all the wonderful memories these past months have given me.  Yet, I still can't help but feel empty.  Lost.  Fractured.  Longing for a home that no longer exists.  Tired of being in other people's space.  Tired of not having my own.

I could not be more ready to throw my anchor overboard, just stop, live, be present for a while.  Enjoy my time, without restriction.  Free from time limits.  Financial restraints.  To make a home.  A safe haven.  A small but significant space for myself in the world.  That's something I wouldn't take for granted ever again.  I would appreciate it, more than I could express in words.

Who knows where in this great big world I will be able to do that.  Who knows when.  Until then, I will take this simmering sadness & I will tuck it away, deep inside & try to carry on.  Trusting that when the time is right, everything will come together.  Right now, that's all I can do, to keep on keeping on.

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{Lately on Instagram}

This past week has really flown by!  I've gone from attending daily yoga classes (yellow-yoga), to making great new friends, to finally revisiting the Jüdisches Museum, to indulging in post-workout vegan chocolate treats, to replenishing my dwindling capsule wardrobe, to visiting the bustling Turkish market (Maybachufer, 10967 Kreuzberg), to finding the best & cheapest vegan gelato in Kreuzberg & with a little sunshine to top it all off, I have to say, it's been a good week.

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{RECIPE} The Big Vegan Bowl

On Monday afternoon, I finally found the Yellow-Yoga centre, down in Kreuzberg & attended my first class - an hour & a half of fast paced vinyasa yoga, in a packed out room.  Down into plank, through cobra & back into downward facing dog.  Repeat three hundred times in quick succession & you get the idea.  It was intense, but I thoroughly enjoyed it!  Cycling the twenty minutes home uphill was a killer & when I got in, I felt the need to annihilate everything in the fridge.

Thankfully, I'd been grocery shopping at the Bio Market earlier in the day, so I was well equipped to handle my hunger in a healthy manner: brown rice, red onion, walnuts, chia seeds, alfalfa sprouts, tomatoes, asparagus, lettuce, an endless list of natural healthy ingredients.  I made a ridiculously mammoth salad & inhaled the lot.  I think that's what I like about exercising, it makes me want to eat healthily too.

When you've spent a few hours burning up energy, to the point of famish, there is nothing more satisfying than sitting down to something nourishing, guilt-free & fulfilling.  It's like an entire cycle of positivity.  I genuinely feel better within myself, knowing that I'm treating my body well.  Although, don't get me wrong, I'd still nibble on a brownie, or a chocolate bar, maybe a cake...

A website I really like at the moment, is Oh She Glows.  A brilliant recipe blog, that is 100% vegan, predominantly raw & unprocessed & best of all, entirely healthy.  I especially love Angela's simple recipe for The Big Vegan Bowl, which, quite frankly, after a leg burn of a cycle home, is my dream dinner.  Happy fat providing avocados, protein packed quinoa & hummous & my favourite, sweet potatoes, dishing out the vitamin A.  Whilst not the quickest of meals to throw together, it is thankfully very simple & one that I'll be trying, most likely, along with her recipe for Two-Layer Raw Chocolate Brownies.

Another site I'm loving right now, is Mind, Body, Green.  Packed full of endless articles, advice & guidance on healthy living & wellness, along with a few nice recipes.  I can easily get lost for hours reading through their posts.  I equally enjoy their daily quotes, such as this one:

“Nobody can teach me who I am. You can describe parts of me, but who I am - and what I need - is something I have to find out myself. ”
— Chinua Achebe

Now that I'm fully pumped up on my yogic energy & clean diet, I have been making the effort to attend a class every day.  I did another vinyasa class on Tuesday & a somewhat disappointing kundalini class yesterday (far too much breathing for my liking).  Today, I think I'm going back for vinyasa again & tomorrow I think I will try my hand at jivamukti.  That's what I like about Yellow-Yoga, the plethora of choice.  I like the ability to mix it up a little.  It helps stave off any repetitive boredom.

Are you a yoga enthusiast?  What's your favourite style?

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