Those that know me personally, know that I am a rather talkative individual, although, I think it's fair to say, that occasionally it seems as though I talk a lot, without really saying anything at all. A particular habit that I have recently become aware of though, is that of my tendency to perhaps over-share. I have always been a very open person & I can't say that I harbour many skeletons in my closet, but perhaps at times, I find myself opening up to the wrong people, or at inappropriate times.
Especially it seems, when it comes to dating. I seem to continually find myself passing on information about my relationship history to potential suitors, like a standardised CV, perhaps under the misguided view that in being open & honest, laying it all out on the line, my historical errors won't come back to haunt me. Only I've come to realise that perhaps my dragging up the past & pushing it into my potential future, isn't a healthy way to deal with things.
In fact, it's made me realise that perhaps I was failing to learn anything at all. When it comes to dating, the one thing you have to accept, is that everyone has a past & something that is equally important to learn is, to simply leave it there. We all come with baggage, some good, some horrifically bad. The important thing is that we are who we are & where we are because of it & that's something we'd be well inclined to remember.
Of course things will arise & there will be occasions whereby we feel it necessary, or even cathartic to discuss our past relationships within the context of our current ones, but the idea is that everything we have been through has taught us something & every new relationship, is a chance to put into practice those hard learned lessons. This is where it's important to take stock & do, rather than say.
Sometimes I find that I verbally process things, rather than do so internally & I can see how this can cause conflict within my relationships. Knowing when to shut up, can be the hardest lesson at times. Being able to leave your past behind you, in order to focus on what's in front of you can, admittedly be a challenge & occasionally, when you've gone through quite a life-changing process with someone in the past, it can be hard not to want to share that with someone new, as if to express to them 'you don't know what I've been through to be the person I am now!'
Yet, we have to learn to express this change & evolvement through our behaviour, not our words. Start to actually be the change, rather than just conceptualise it. It's also a good way to be present. To be absorbed in who you're with at that moment. Rather than always dwelling so passionately in the past, perhaps sometimes in a naive attempt at validating your current behavioural patterns.
I've always spoken very honestly & openly about my relationships, the highs, the lows & the bitter heartbreaks. That is who I am & I don't wish to change that, but perhaps now, as I begin to gravitate towards the idea of being in someone's life again, I will try to be more conscious of leaving the past firmly behind & attempt to put into practice the lessons I've learned, from what has been a rich, if not sometimes difficult, relationship history.
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