Today marks the Solar Eclipse/New Moon in Scorpio, signalling a time of completion and thus, in turn, an initiation into a new phase of our lives. This is a chance to make changes, big changes. A chance to let go of all that we've previously allowed to hold us back. A chance to sever the ties with anything, or anyone, that no longer serves us, or our purpose. There has truly never been a better time to take a leap of faith forward and embrace the new, in belief of our ability to be happy, truly happy and achieve great things.
When I think of how I spent over half my life in a suicidal depressive coma, self-harming, self-loathing, consistently feeling as though a part of me was missing, utterly lost and in need of direction, desperately in search of my purpose, I am often amazed that I managed to make it this far and even more remarkably, to have wound up so happy. I sometimes wonder how I could have allowed myself to waste so much time, so much energy, on feeling so damn miserable. It saddens me, but what saddens me more so, is to think of all the people who are still trapped in this viscous cycle, unable to find a way out.
We, as a society, spend so much time doing things simply because they're appropriate, or expected of us. Because this was how we were raised to behave. This is what we were raised to believe. This is what is considered acceptable. We're constantly concerned with gaining the approval of others, who in turn, are concerned with gaining approval from someone else themselves. It's like the blind leading the blind! Every now and then, someone, somewhere, wakes up, sees things for what they are and decides to just do their own thing, in their own way and in their own time and you know what, most of the time they get crucified for it! Because people simply can't handle it, people don't like things that they can't understand and that at times, they're too afraid to do themselves.
Some of those people end up getting beaten back down by the judgement and criticism and find themselves downbeat and disheartened, but for some, they refuse to ever give up or go back and so, they kick and scream their way out regardless of opinion or peer pressure. They might be afraid, but they're courageous enough to keep going and it's ultimately their success, that helps to inspire others to do the same. With the world the way it is, it's not always easy being yourself and doing things in your own way, but believe me, it's a damn sight harder living as someone you're not, doing things you have no heart in, simply because you're too afraid to make a change. I know this better than anyone and I can assure you, that I felt more inclined to kill myself when I seemingly 'fitted in', than I ever have being the oddball vagrant I am today.
We are all individual and unique and to even think, for one singular minute, that we can all live, eat, work, look or even love the same way is just down right preposterous. There cannot be one direction, one journey, one rule for everyone. We must cease from trying to 'conform', to 'fit in', to live up to other people's expectations of who they think we should be. We know who we are and we need to start acknowledging, accepting and embracing that. We have the ability to do and achieve anything and everything that our minds can imagine. A sentiment that many are unable to accept or believe, because they live and see things in such a limited way and they will project that limitation onto you time and time again throughout your life.
Don't close your mind because someone tells you that you can't do what you dream of doing. Don't hold back because someone tells you that what you're thinking is unrealistic or irrational. The only thing to fear, is fear itself and so, the next time you feel that wave of anxiety begin to wash over you, say 'fuck it!' and do it anyway. Throw caution to the wind. Do what feels right for you. Say 'I love you' when you feel it in your heart. Eat that damn piece of cake and love your body, in whatever form it's in and most importantly, don't you dare waste a single minute feeling downhearted and incapable, because the only barrier in your life, is the one you put up and your sole purpose in this lifetime is to learn how to break that mother fucker down!
So go out there and BE BIG, BE BOLD and BE BRAVE! Because you, above all, deserve to be happy!
