{Tales from my Notebook} Vol.2

11th September 2014

In search of closure.  I need to find peace with this situation.  Resolve matters, either way.  My heart is fractured.  Shattered.  A bed of emotion built on lies.  A complete illusion.  A fabrication.

Which leads me to question - what constitutes as love?  Do we need to really know someone to love them and if so, how, if we may never truly know anyone, do we do this?  Is love an illusionary state?  Must it be reciprocated to be considered real?  Is real love ever lost?  Or does it simply evolve as we ourselves do?

So many unanswered questions.

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{Tales from my Notebook} Vol.1

19th November 2014

Letting go is hard to do.  How can you turn your back on something that you know to be right?  Is it better to hurt now, or hurt later?  Can you realistically walk away when, despite the pain, your heart brings you back, again and again.

It's the devil's business, this thing called love.  A peculiar juxtaposition between pleasure and pain, suffering and elation, death and birth, grief and joy.  I feel it all with him and at times, I feel it all at once.

Whether to stay or go.  Accept things in their imperfect state, or fight for things to fit into a particular format.  Is it really I, who despite everything, is the one who needs to change and adapt?  Or am I simply heading for a fall, having learnt nothing at all.  How do I know?  How can I decipher the complexity of this very absurd code!  Perhaps only time will tell.

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{Lately on Instagram}

On Monday evening, one of my best friends, of over a decade, flew in from France for an eagerly awaited visit.  It's normally I, who is abusing her hospitality, at her home out near Limoges, so it was an entirely new experience for me to be the one doing the hosting for a change, but I can honestly say, that this past week has genuinely been the best time I've had in a long while and definitely here in Berlin.  We laughed 'til we cried, ate our weight in cake and watched a plethora of films.  It was so lovely, it really was.

The only issue being that, since accompanying her to the airport and waving her goodbye, it's like a dullness has washed over my view of the city and I feel a weight of melancholia that I can't currently seem to shift.  It's as though she shone a light over my life and highlighted all the dirt that I'd been hiding - or rather avoiding.  It's so frustrating to know what you want, yet be entirely clueless as to how to get it.  It's thankfully no longer a case of indecisiveness, however, it's now unfortunately a complete case of discombobulation!

In truth though, reaching these crossroads in life seem to be inevitable and although we may occasionally find ourselves caught between paths, a little lacking in direction, we do always find our way in the end.

So, to keep ourselves positive, let's look back at a week of...florals at the Botanischer Garten (Königin-Luise-Straße 6-8), which is quite possibly, one of my favourite places in Berlin; ginormous vegan salami and cheese burgers over at Lily Burger (Urbanstraße 70), made all the more cumbersome by the additional side serving of curly fries (which happen to be the best I've ever had); lust inducing window shopping down in Mitte, followed by a marshmallow laden hazelnut hot chocolate and a slice of insanely delicious warm chocolate fudge brownie, served with a dollop of vanilla ice cream, over at Chaostherie (Lychener Straße 4); yummy fat burritos at Berlin Burrito (Kastanienallee 59); chilly walks around Treptower Park; densely iced cupcakes round at Cupcake Berlin (Krossener Straße 12); working our way through the plethora of food on offer at Markthalle Neun's Street Food Thursday (Eisenbahnstraße 42-43); taste testing the new chocolatey caramel creations by OhLaLa (Mainzerstraße 18); stocking up on edible snacks at Veganz (Warschauer Straße 33) and picking up fresh water baked bagels, topped with creamy hummus schmear to take back to the apartment, to consume in bed, dressed in our pjs, heating on high, whilst we watched copious films.

It was certainly a food laden, indulgent week and I couldn't have asked for better, I'm only sad that it's over!  Thank you Kate, please come back soon!

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