{RECIPE} The Big Vegan Bowl

On Monday afternoon, I finally found the Yellow-Yoga centre, down in Kreuzberg & attended my first class - an hour & a half of fast paced vinyasa yoga, in a packed out room.  Down into plank, through cobra & back into downward facing dog.  Repeat three hundred times in quick succession & you get the idea.  It was intense, but I thoroughly enjoyed it!  Cycling the twenty minutes home uphill was a killer & when I got in, I felt the need to annihilate everything in the fridge.

Thankfully, I'd been grocery shopping at the Bio Market earlier in the day, so I was well equipped to handle my hunger in a healthy manner: brown rice, red onion, walnuts, chia seeds, alfalfa sprouts, tomatoes, asparagus, lettuce, an endless list of natural healthy ingredients.  I made a ridiculously mammoth salad & inhaled the lot.  I think that's what I like about exercising, it makes me want to eat healthily too.

When you've spent a few hours burning up energy, to the point of famish, there is nothing more satisfying than sitting down to something nourishing, guilt-free & fulfilling.  It's like an entire cycle of positivity.  I genuinely feel better within myself, knowing that I'm treating my body well.  Although, don't get me wrong, I'd still nibble on a brownie, or a chocolate bar, maybe a cake...

A website I really like at the moment, is Oh She Glows.  A brilliant recipe blog, that is 100% vegan, predominantly raw & unprocessed & best of all, entirely healthy.  I especially love Angela's simple recipe for The Big Vegan Bowl, which, quite frankly, after a leg burn of a cycle home, is my dream dinner.  Happy fat providing avocados, protein packed quinoa & hummous & my favourite, sweet potatoes, dishing out the vitamin A.  Whilst not the quickest of meals to throw together, it is thankfully very simple & one that I'll be trying, most likely, along with her recipe for Two-Layer Raw Chocolate Brownies.

Another site I'm loving right now, is Mind, Body, Green.  Packed full of endless articles, advice & guidance on healthy living & wellness, along with a few nice recipes.  I can easily get lost for hours reading through their posts.  I equally enjoy their daily quotes, such as this one:

“Nobody can teach me who I am. You can describe parts of me, but who I am - and what I need - is something I have to find out myself. ”

— Chinua Achebe

Now that I'm fully pumped up on my yogic energy & clean diet, I have been making the effort to attend a class every day.  I did another vinyasa class on Tuesday & a somewhat disappointing kundalini class yesterday (far too much breathing for my liking).  Today, I think I'm going back for vinyasa again & tomorrow I think I will try my hand at jivamukti.  That's what I like about Yellow-Yoga, the plethora of choice.  I like the ability to mix it up a little.  It helps stave off any repetitive boredom.

Are you a yoga enthusiast?  What's your favourite style?

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In case you're wondering.

I recently received the following comment on my last post:

“It’s confusing - I really like your blog and empathise with your woes and always your writing is so strong that you make me want to reach out to you and give you a hug. You are a good writer who makes me feel your pain, your confusion and your ‘youthful’ angst. But.... invariably you bring your self-worth issues back to your looks, your toned body, your clothes and what you clearly see as following on from that - your perceived ‘hotness or notness’ the whether or not you can pull your ideal beardy guy. Really?
You place so much of your self-esteem in looks and boys - for an intelligent woman - that’s a dubious approach, isn’t it?
Because what you seem to want more than anything is to be taken care of, for the successful male to come along and take you away from the hard work of making your own way in the world - really, oh to have a man with a good income and a nice flat - well dear reader, he must be in search of a wife.
That aspect of you blog antagonises me because I hope you’re not so shallow and yet you keep doing/saying it. Do you acknowledge that pattern yourself? Smetimes we’re the worst observers of our own behaviour.
I mean, you write well, you must have a fortune in savings, and you’ve got your looks. You could sign up for a journalism cours in the real world. I could see this working in any of the London freebie mags at staions.
But it’s time to leave your little girl lost behind, that desire to manipulate, or at least keep it in a room where you only go now and again.
Sorry for the moan - it will annoy but it’s meant with good intentions.”

— LenaT

Whilst I don't feel as though I have to justify, or explain myself to anyone, I'd actually quite like to.  Perhaps, if you are fairly new to my site, or just curious, it might serve to answer any niggling questions you may have.

Rather than repeat myself, if you wish to understand the journey it took to get me here, sat in my friend's apartment in Berlin, a suitcase to my name, then you should probably start by reading my guest post on The Tea Drinking English Rose's website.

Now you're up-to-speed, let me start by stating the obvious - I am, as it turns out, only human & am not in anyway perfect, nor profess to be.  My days, weeks, years even, are spent attempting to accept this fact & work on self-love, self-worth & finding inner happiness.  Eradicating the need to seek fulfillment in empty, materialistic, surface behaviour.

Do I still stand in front of the mirror & wince at the fleshy parts of my body, I wish were toned?  Of course I do.  Do I long to share my life with someone?  Absolutely.  Does that make me weak minded or superficial?  No, it simply makes me human & I'm not going to be afraid to own up to my faults, nor will I feel the need to justify or apologise for them.

Just because I wish to share my life with someone (bearded or otherwise), doesn't mean to say I crave validation, or wish to be looked after.  It took me long enough just to accept the thought of sharing a life with someone, without feeling as though I was stating that I would be incomplete on my own, as I wrote about here.

Having grown up with a father who spent his life trying to 'take care of things', I spent the gap after his death, learning what it meant to take care of myself.  In fact, my entire journey, over the past ten months, has been entirely about finding out who I am, what I want from life & how I can achieve this, solely through my own actions.  I can honestly say, my independence is everything to me now.

The past few years have been exceptionally hard at times & whilst I may not have reached a feeling of fulfillment, I certainly feel as though I've etched a little bit closer.  My priority right now is to just do what feels right.  Respect my body, help clear my mind & just generally be a little kinder to myself.  Life unfolds naturally & organically, if we allow it to.

I like to keep this quote in mind:

“Don’t be too hard on yourself. There are plenty of people willing to do that for you. Do your best and surrender the rest. Tell yourself, “I am doing the best I can with what I have in this moment. That is all I can ever expect of anyone, including me.” Love yourself and be proud of everything you do, even your mistakes, because your mistakes mean you’re trying.”

— Unknown

If you still feel as though you have unanswered questions, please feel free to get in touch via my contact page.

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{Insightful Sunday} Never too late to change.

Just as I think I'm on the path to self discovery, I find myself a little lost, caught up in the haze of Berlin's nightlife.  So many plans for the weekend, all lost to too many drinks & the snooze button.  I can't say I regret it, but equally, I think I've come to realise, that perhaps the things I tried to leave behind, were left there for a reason, a damn good one.

I do not miss overinflated entry fees to smoky dank clubs, where being intoxicated on a combination of chemical substances is a prerequisite.  Or finding myself sharing a cubicle in the women's toilets with the local drug dealer.  These are not my finest moments & act as a stark reminder of the kinds of craziness I left behind.

I have a good sense of direction, but it seems I am easily distracted & have a tendency to find myself adrift at times, rehashing old destructive behaviour.  I could easily have fallen back into very negative old ways this weekend, but if anything, it has reaffirmed the changes I've been attempting to implement.  That's the thing though, it's okay to fall down on the way to a better destination.

The trips & stumbles aren't the issue, it's learning from those minor setbacks, not getting discouraged & trying again that's important.  I want to be a clean living vegan yogi & damn it, I'm not afraid to put it out there.  I care about myself & the environment.  I want to do good things & be a good person.  I'm passionately curious & vehemently determined to make something good happen in my life.

I want to be the best version of myself I can be & despite my natural ability to be exceptionally self-critical, I have to accept that the path to a better existence may take time & a fair few hangovers along the way.  It's important to remember that regardless of where you're at, what you've done, or where you aim to be, it's never too late to make a positive change.

Starting first thing tomorrow, I'm off to seek out the elusive Yellow-Yoga centre, with my new friend Lucy & begin my yogi transformation.  'Breath in the positivity, exhale the negativity.'  I aim to get back into eating clean & molding my body into a toned temple, ready for the summer & having finally resolved some issues with exes this weekend, including Beard, I feel ready to finally move on & make room in my life & my heart for the right person.  It's time to let go of the past, feel excited for the future & embrace the present.

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