{Lately on Instagram}

Well, one month really did fly right by & I have to say, that whilst I am looking forward to the change, I will be sad to leave Berlin.  Things didn't turn out quite how I had expected them to, I never found work, barely took any photos & didn't discover my future husband, however, I still had a wonderful time, admittedly, with a few lows in between & am now fully in love with this city.

I shall miss the quaint chocolate cafe, across the road from yoga, with the grandma's living room interior, that serves vegan friendly chocolate muffins.  I shall miss taking lunch with friends at the back of Cafe Pfoertner's bus.  I'll miss nibbling my way around the food stalls at Markthalle Neun on a Thursday evening, checking out the bearded talent, whilst getting tipsy off the prosecco & ending up squished into a photo booth, taking ridiculous pictures.

I'll miss the street art, that brightens up my day & the grey crumbling buildings around town.  I'll miss all the bio markts, that draw me in & make me want to buy things I really don't need, but want, just because they're organic.  I'll miss the ridiculously cheap vegan sorbet, especially that scoop of chocolate.  I'll miss wedges of vegan cake & thick banana shakes, that lure me in at every vegan cafe around town.  I'll miss my hour & a half of yoga everyday, giving my day structure & my body a much needed workout.

Most of all, I will miss my new friends.  Katie, who retaught me the joy of cycling, which I will especially miss & who so kindly gave me space in her home for my first few weeks, so that I could afford to stay in town.  I will miss our silly late night chats, our cycles through the streets, invariably for cake/ice cream/food in general & our discussions on life, men & the universe.  I hope when I return, she will have been discovered for the talented artist she so totally is.

The Swede, without who's generosity, I would have most likely ended up a vagabond, wandering the streets, after my time at Katie's came to an end.  I shall miss his appreciation for my 'cooking', our evening strolls through the neighbourhood, his oddball Swedish humour & sleeping on the edge of his mattress.  I will not however, miss his attempts at spooning.  I hope he finds the self-belief to do what makes him happy & finds someone that appreciates his kindness.

I'll miss lunch dates & museums with Lucy & our chats about the value of positivity.  I know that the perfect opportunity will arise for her & I hope that Berlin begins to treat her kind.  I'm also going to miss yoga sessions, gay bars & picking up cake from the market with Carolyn.  I hope that during my absence she will find her way to meeting a mature, intellectual type & the perfect job.  Finally, I will miss the mystical, & so often confusing, conversations over lunch with the Rabbi & our market strolls looking for vintage violins.

Berlin has brought the sun out for my final day & I aim to embrace it.  Shorts, sandals, one final yoga session & then farewell burritos, before heading to the airport with a suitcase full of dirty laundry, early tomorrow morning.  I will be misty eyed, half asleep & a little brokenhearted.  Why am I leaving again?

See you on the 30th June Berlin, until then, it's arrivederci!

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Release.

 
life

A strange thing happened to me the other day; I came out of yoga (yes, yes yoga again), it was a gloriously sunny day, I grabbed a vegan friendly pastry from the Biomarkt across the road, along with a handful of cherries & went to the park at Mariannenplatz, to soak up the rays & read a book.  All of a sudden, as I sat down, this wave of positivity washed over me & I just felt at ease & completely happy.

I wolfed down my pastry, smiling away to myself & wondered why I had ever worried about anything.  Why had I become so hung up on being homeless.  So against carrying on.  Resigned to a feeling of failure.  It was as though, in that moment, all of those feelings just fell away & suddenly everything just felt right.

Speaking to Katie later the next day, she described it as a 'second wind' & in some ways, that is just how it felt.  Somewhere, between the sunshine, the sugar & the vinyasa, I had gained new energy, renewed my faith & found some motivation to carry on.  Sure, it'd be great to have a home.  Finally, a place to call my own, but I trust that when the time is right, I'll find one.  In the meantime, why not embrace the journey, enjoy the ride.

The repetitive error that I know I seem to perpetually make is, over thinking & continually bringing a sense of expectancy with me, wherever I go, so that when things don't work out quite to plan, I feel as though somehow I've failed.  Disappointment kicks in, which throws me into a sense of loss & then all of a sudden, I'm out at sea, over-analysing every decision I make.  Running circles round myself, pulling my hair out, wondering why life is 'falling apart'.

Well, no more.  The first step to stopping a bad habit, is to first recognise & acknowledge it.  So I'm choosing to let go.  I'm choosing to trust.  I'm believing in myself, in life, in the process.  I'm going with the flow, wherever it chooses to take me.  Heck, I've got this far haven't I & what a journey it's been & one entirely without a plan!

On Sunday, I fly back to Rome for the month, after which I will be free to explore this world a little more.  I love Berlin & will be sobbing in the airport when I leave, but I accept that, if I'm not in a position to stay when I return in July, I will embrace the opportunity to go somewhere new.  Summer is coming, my birthday is approaching & the beach is calling.  I would still really like to spend some time in Croatia & visit Greece.  Maybe pick some fruit, soak up the sun, generally enjoy my life, I mean, after all, isn't that what it's for?

When the time is right, I trust that all the things my heart desires; a home, a job, a partner, they will all appear.  Until then, I guess I'm just gonna be busy living.

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Sun is shining, the weather is sweet.

 

After a tumultuous weekend, filled with rain, tears & a small coronary, I have left Prenzlauer Berg & am now safely tucked away with my bearded Swedish friend, in Wedding.   His small apartment comes complete with bare wood floors, white walls, high ceilings & most importantly, plenty of sunlight.  The weather this week has been kind & I for one am most thankful.  If there's one thing that helps to pull me out of a funk, it's the sun's warmth upon my bare skin.

Cycling to yoga in shorts & sandals has been unadulterated bliss, even if, at times, I do feel a little exposed.  The gentle movement from downward facing dog, to plank, up through to cobra, with the light beaming through the windows, puts a smile upon my face every time.  Everything, life itself even, just feels more positive when the sun is shining, don't you think.

I have been making the most of my last few weeks in Berlin, with the help of some new friends.  Tuesday saw myself & fellow Brit, Max, take a stroll to the Turkish market (Maybachufer, 10967 Kreuzberg), to peruse the eclectic mix of wares on offer.  We indulged in delicious chocolate sorbet afterwards, from my favourite gelateria, Eis Manufaktur (Graefestraße 7, 10967, Kreuzberg), whilst soaking up the rays on a street corner & then wandered off to Chaparro (Wienerstr. 15-A 10999, Kreuzberg), to fill our stomachs with burritos, before visiting the East side gallery.  The sun shone the whole day & I cycled home in the evening feeling very happy.

On Wednesday, I met up with the mystical anomaly that is tattoo artist Lus Lips (Loxodrom).  Magician, rabbi & all-round man of mystery, we sat down at Feibi's (Danzigerstraße 27, Prenzlauer Berg) for a scrumptious bowl of Thai soup, before heading round the corner for juice & a reading.  Turns out I'm very structured & now very intrigued.

Today, the sun is shining, I've sweat out my impurities through a tough class of vinyasa yoga & now, I am re-hydrating with a cool glass of juice, whilst I abuse the internet facilities at Lekkerurlaub (Graefestraße 89, 10967, Kreuzberg), a light, airy cafe, that plays very good jazz.  Soon, I shall head back into the heat & find a grassy patch in Görlitzer Park to nestle & read my book, whilst attempting to ignore the offers of weed from passing drug dealers.

I am hoping to take a trip to Markthalle (Eisenbahnstraße 42/43, 10997, Kreuzberg) with friends this evening, to indulge in the plethora of food on offer, during their Street Food Thursday.  I've been desperate to return since visiting it last year with Charlotte, but things never seem to work out, so my fingers are crossed for tonight.

Left on my list of things to do/see before I return to Rome are: lunch at Café Pfoertner, as recommended by Lilly from In a Pavilion, a night of dinner & drinks at Bite Club, a return visit to the Botanischer Garten, in order to actually see the grounds this time & finally, to take a stroll around the flea market at Mauerpark on Sunday afternoon.

Being without foundations is tough at times, the lack of grounding, but, ultimately, when I shake the fear away, life on the road isn't really that bad.

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