Ciao ragazzi!

 

After three months away, I am back in Italia, soaking up the sun in Roma.  It feels good to be back.  Although I am here for work, it feels strangely more like a vacation.  The weather is sublime, with temperatures near to thirty degrees & today, I have been strolling around town, taking in the atmosphere.  Whilst my time in Italia overall, has shown me I don't wish to settle in the country, I really do enjoy my visits & spending time here.

I've actually really missed the language, the rolling 'r's & the avid hand gestures.  Whilst cycling through the streets of Berlin, I am constantly shouting 'che fai!' at people in my head, as I continually swerve round cars & people who seem to feel the need to get in my way.  It's nice to be able to practice & improve my Italian.  In fact, today, I had a few people come up to me asking me in Italian for information about the metro.  I think it's the tan, they don't think I'm English, although, I'm not convinced they think I'm Italian either.  I've started to be able to respond nearly entirely in Italian, although, I always start with "parlo solo un po d'Italiano."  Perhaps by the end of the month I shall have etched a little closer to fluency.

One thing I have not missed, is the excessive amount of food Italians eat.  On my first day back in the country, we had a two course lunch, consisting of pasta & then a light salad.  The same evening, we had a three course dinner, with the inclusion of pasta & salad once again, followed by pizza & ending with fruit & sorbet.  I was in pain.  Pasta & I are not the best of friends & I have since avoided its consumption & stuck to eating only the salad & fruit on offer.  I'd forgotten how late meal times were here too.  I've never understood the point of eating so late & then going to bed on a full stomach.

Equally, I have never understood the Italian obsession with disposable cups & plates.  If you are Italian & you happen to invite some friends round for dinner, you immediately pop down to the supermercato & pick up the disposables & shun the hoard of perfectly fine crockery in your cupboard, which seemingly never gets used.  Has this nation not clocked onto the financial & environmental pitfall of this love of plastic yet?  It seems not.

What I do love about Italians however, is their love of the sun.  As a summer baby & a Leo, I am never happier than when I am in full corpse pose, soaking up the heat & watching my naturally porcelain skin darken to a golden shade.  As I arrived in Italy on a bank holiday weekend, we took a trip to a lake, just north of the city & spent the day sunbathing & floating round the water in a pedalo.  It was blissful & I am now a rich shade of mahogany.

I have to say, that recently, I have started to feel more human again.  More myself to be precise.  Finally appreciating more & worrying less.  What did worrying ever achieve in any case, bar frown lines.  Today, as I sat outside the Pantheon, people watching & soaking up the sun, I nearly cried with the overwhelming feeling of gratitude I feel inside, that this is my life right now & how fortunate I am that this is the case.  Bellissima! 

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{Insightful Sunday} Gratitude

If my journey over the past year has taught me anything, it's to be grateful for what you have, rather than wasting energy worrying about the things you feel you lack.  I think, to a degree, we are all quick to criticise, both ourselves, our lives & of course, others.  Filling our time obsessing over the things we don't have, perhaps things that others possess & feeling as though we are incomplete in some way.

I felt as though, in the past, I spent a lot of my time wasting energy worrying or obsessing over all of my faults, all the things I felt myself & my life lacked.  However, speaking with people during my travels, people from varying backgrounds & countries, has really helped to give me perspective.  It's made me realise that perhaps happiness is not obtainable through striving for a particular thing, such as a house, a car, a career, etc. but perhaps happiness is obtainable more so from the appreciation of what you already possess.

I've come to realise that when I look back at my life, I have been exceptionally privileged, even perhaps when I thought I was deprived.  I hate to think of all the times I've complained, or felt incomplete in some way, because I didn't have this, or I hadn't had that.  When I look at the world, I see it with new eyes.  They are open & they do not shy away.  They see the suffering & they see the joy that can come from the smallest of things.  They have a new perspective.

Currently, I have no fixed income, no car, no home, very few possessions, but, I have people around me who support & love me unconditionally & with open hearts, I've been able to travel the globe & experience new cultures, take in new views, I have my health, my freedom, a roof over my head, food in my belly & clothes on my back.  Regardless of all the things I do not possess, all the things I seemingly lack, I am happy & I am content & most importantly, I am grateful.

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{Lately on Instagram}

Well, one month really did fly right by & I have to say, that whilst I am looking forward to the change, I will be sad to leave Berlin.  Things didn't turn out quite how I had expected them to, I never found work, barely took any photos & didn't discover my future husband, however, I still had a wonderful time, admittedly, with a few lows in between & am now fully in love with this city.

I shall miss the quaint chocolate cafe, across the road from yoga, with the grandma's living room interior, that serves vegan friendly chocolate muffins.  I shall miss taking lunch with friends at the back of Cafe Pfoertner's bus.  I'll miss nibbling my way around the food stalls at Markthalle Neun on a Thursday evening, checking out the bearded talent, whilst getting tipsy off the prosecco & ending up squished into a photo booth, taking ridiculous pictures.

I'll miss the street art, that brightens up my day & the grey crumbling buildings around town.  I'll miss all the bio markts, that draw me in & make me want to buy things I really don't need, but want, just because they're organic.  I'll miss the ridiculously cheap vegan sorbet, especially that scoop of chocolate.  I'll miss wedges of vegan cake & thick banana shakes, that lure me in at every vegan cafe around town.  I'll miss my hour & a half of yoga everyday, giving my day structure & my body a much needed workout.

Most of all, I will miss my new friends.  Katie, who retaught me the joy of cycling, which I will especially miss & who so kindly gave me space in her home for my first few weeks, so that I could afford to stay in town.  I will miss our silly late night chats, our cycles through the streets, invariably for cake/ice cream/food in general & our discussions on life, men & the universe.  I hope when I return, she will have been discovered for the talented artist she so totally is.

The Swede, without who's generosity, I would have most likely ended up a vagabond, wandering the streets, after my time at Katie's came to an end.  I shall miss his appreciation for my 'cooking', our evening strolls through the neighbourhood, his oddball Swedish humour & sleeping on the edge of his mattress.  I will not however, miss his attempts at spooning.  I hope he finds the self-belief to do what makes him happy & finds someone that appreciates his kindness.

I'll miss lunch dates & museums with Lucy & our chats about the value of positivity.  I know that the perfect opportunity will arise for her & I hope that Berlin begins to treat her kind.  I'm also going to miss yoga sessions, gay bars & picking up cake from the market with Carolyn.  I hope that during my absence she will find her way to meeting a mature, intellectual type & the perfect job.  Finally, I will miss the mystical, & so often confusing, conversations over lunch with the Rabbi & our market strolls looking for vintage violins.

Berlin has brought the sun out for my final day & I aim to embrace it.  Shorts, sandals, one final yoga session & then farewell burritos, before heading to the airport with a suitcase full of dirty laundry, early tomorrow morning.  I will be misty eyed, half asleep & a little brokenhearted.  Why am I leaving again?

See you on the 30th June Berlin, until then, it's arrivederci!

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