Lost in the city.

This past week has been rather hectic & somewhat turbulent.  Tears, tantrums, sleepless nights, housing issues, you name it, it has seemingly been thrown in my face.  Whilst for the main part, all the lessons from the past year have provided me with a rock hard core of self belief, which is unshaken by all the drama, I have to admit that yesterday I just fell spectacularly apart.

Sometimes, no matter how much you believe & no matter how much positivity you possess, you simply just reach your limit.  Cycling back from a late night jivamukti class, I started to go over everything in my head.  These next six weeks are about to be the toughest few weeks of my life.  They equate to a C class vinyasa with Victoria (fellow Yellow Yogis will appreciate this).  You feel as though you simply can't go on, it's too hard, you just might crumble mid crow & die on your mat, but then, ninety minutes later, you realise, you made it & you feel kick-ass afterwards.

Falling asleep last night, eyes sodden, heart aching, hope somewhat lost, I left my troubles behind, for a world of dreams & when I woke, suddenly something had shifted & I felt the positivity had returned.  I think sometimes, you just have to reach your lowest point & be entirely drained, in order to finally refuel & have the strength to pick yourself back up & push yourself forward.  Right now, I need to persevere & make it through this next little chapter, because I know that on the other side of all this trauma, is so much ease & happiness, that it will all be worth it.

So back on a super positive vibe, I am looking forward & there is much ahead to be excited about!  Firstly my birthday on Saturday!  I'm hoping the weather is going to be kind, as I would like to go to the Botanischer Garten during the day, with friends & cycle round the blossoming gardens, snapping up the florals!  Then, if there is time, I would love to have a picnic, or BBQ at Templehofer, the abandoned airport, finally treat myself to some vegan crepes from either Oh La La or Let It Be & eventually end the evening with more food, if we're not already stuffed, over at Bite Club, if it's on.  Florals & food, my perfect birthday combination.

Secondly, my Berlin best & super talented friend, Miss Katie Chappell, has agreed to hop on the Oui Je T'aime Aussi boat & will be providing illustrations for the site!  If you're not already aware of her wonderful work, be sure to check out her website!  I am very excited by this collaboration, especially as I openly admit to not being the best photographer in the world & it pains me not to be able to sufficiently share my surroundings with you.  We shall be working on a host of new things, along with some other collaborators, including guides to eateries & places to go in Berlin, which we are also looking to turn into a zine that will be available to purchase!

Nothing makes me happier than when I am in my creative element!  Which is why I am also very happy to be working with a few online publications, contributing articles, which once published, I will also share with you.  Most importantly of all, my current focus is getting my book published!  I won't go into great detail about it, as I want to keep it close to my chest, but it will be my greatest achievement to finally get it out there & I will be sure to spam you with information when the ink is dry & the pages printed!

So realistically, there is much to be done & much to be excited about & for today, I am absorbing all the positive energy around me & using it constructively & proactively!  Keep happy guys!

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{Insightful Sunday} To thine own self be true.

I've previously touched on the importance of intuition, listening to oneself, trusting in your gut feelings, but another really important thing is to be aware of how others are influencing you.

Think about how often a situation arises, whether it be a relationship drama, a family quarrel or a dispute at work, whereby you invariably find someone who seems to feel the need to impart their wisdom upon you, usually in a misguided attempt at helping, whether you asked for their advice/opinion or not.

It's somewhat inevitable that those around you will have an opinion on what's going on in your life, however, it's important to remember that regardless of their intentions, it is ultimately your life & your own opinion, thoughts or feelings on the matter in hand, that are the only ones relevant.

It's equally important to remember that everyone's opinion on a matter will be based on their own ideals & philosophies, which may have no connection to your own.  Everyone is battling their own demons & dependable on their mindset, their pearls of wisdom may be tainted by their own fears, which they're projecting onto you & your situation.

Of course it's important to be able to have an outsider's perspective on a situation, especially when, at times, we can be too involved to see things clearly, but be mindful of what others are saying & learn to recognise if what they're saying to you imposes a sense of negativity, or whether it is uplifting & resonates with you.

It's very easy to be led astray by others, especially when you don't necessarily have the confidence or conviction to trust in your own opinion or judgement.  It's important to hear people out, but take the time to listen to yourself.  You know inside whether what people are saying is right for you or not, know that & stand by it.

Don't be afraid to have a differing opinion, even if it seems illogical, or doesn't make sense to others.  Remember everyone is different & what works for one, does not work for everyone.  There will always be someone who disagrees with you, that is something you can count on.  Which is why it is so important to follow your own guidance, not that of others.

Your life must be led the way that is right for you.  You choose the path & just as you would not wish to be judged, do not allow yourself to judge others & the path that they choose to take.  We cannot all go the same way.  We must do what is right for ourselves, regardless of public opinion.

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New moon, new mind.

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Well, what a difference a week makes.  After having something along the lines of a breakdown last week, I finally found some release through yoga & thankfully brought myself back to center, ready to carry on, with more determination than ever.  Whoever said following your dreams was easy, eh, but as they say, the best things in life are worth fighting for & I for one have my game face on.

With the new moon in my sign of Leo & being conjunct in Jupiter, for the first time in a decade, I am positive that everything is about to get a whole lot easier…Or at least that's my hope, anyway!  Either way, I am feeling far more upbeat & positive.  I have been trying to focus all my energy on being proactive & getting things done, ticking things off my never ending to do list.

On Wednesday, with the help of the Swede, we went to the Bürgeramt round the corner & finally registered me as living in Berlin.  I am now in possession of a stamped piece of paper with my name on it.  The following day we went a step further, opening me a bank account with  Sparkasse.  So I am now officially a legitimate Berlin resident.  This is both terrifying & exciting & also essentially marks the end of my year of traveling.  I am unpacking the suitcase & sticking up the postcards!

When I left England last year, my intention was always to find somewhere new to live abroad, although I was never quite sure where that was going to be.  Having been to Berlin a few times before, at various times of the year, I never really gave a great deal of thought to living here.  However, during my time in France back in the Spring, I just felt a sudden compulsion to return & plant roots for a while.

In life, sometimes you have to stop thinking & just go with the flow.  If you feel compelled to go somewhere, or do something, even if you can't quite understand why, just do it.  Being in Berlin has not only helped to provide me with the type of lifestyle I was always leaning towards, but it has also brought into my life some people who I could not love & appreciate more.

There is still so much to do, including finding an income & securing an apartment, so Swede can have his floor back, but I have to say, I'm very happy & content in this moment, even if it is a hectic one.  There is so much of this city I wish to write about & share & I will, in time.  For now, you may need to bear with me, as I prepare to celebrate my birthday & the one year anniversary of my leaving England!

Tschüss!

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