Finding the beauty in the great unknown.

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I love Berlin, I really do and whilst I know that I don't wish to live there indefinitely, I do very much want to give it a year or two, because I feel as though it's a city with an awful lot to give.  However, I think taking a time out and returning to England was healthy for me and sometimes in life, we do need to take a little breather and maybe even a little step back, just so as to gain perspective on certain matters in our lives.  My initial intention when I booked the flight, was to stay in England for two weeks, however, after only a few days of being there, I felt as though a fortnight away from Berlin just wasn't going to be sufficient.  Well, as is typical, no sooner had I allowed those thoughts to permeate, had another opportunity to travel arisen, hence, here I am, now in France, staying with one of my favourite people.

The last time I was here, in this particular part of France, it was February.  The weather at the time was dreadful; awfully cold and rainy and my friend and I mostly stayed indoors, huddled by the fire, watching copious films, whilst her two large dogs snoozed happily on the floor nearby.  We also did an awful lot of baking in those few weeks.  Cold snaps definitely invoke the need for sugary comforts I find.  Being back here now, with it being relatively warm and thankfully quite sunny, it all seems quite surreal.  In fact, my entire life, as it stands, feels rather surreal at times.  Saying goodbye to Mère at the airport had not left me soggy-eyed, as it had done nine months prior, on my last visit.  Walking into the terminal hall did not make my stomach flip with nervous anxiety, as it had the first time I had flown out here on my own, all of eighteen months ago.

In fact, having counted up, I have thus far clocked up seven flights since only January of this year and now, flitting from one country to another, is about as normal to me as hopping on a train from Kent to London.  There is absolutely no trepidation whatsoever.  Which, is something I am rather thankful for, because, it was not that long ago that there was.  In fact, I recall booking a flight to Rome for my twentieth birthday and being adamant that I was going to go off, on my own.  I so desperately wanted to.  I have lived my life as a complete romantic and at this time of my life, I had many adventurous notions.  I constantly wanted to just pack up and flit off to somewhere, quite on my own and explore.  However, it seemed as though I didn't quite have the gumption required at the time and so, with the departure day approaching, I ended up panicking and begging a friend to go with me, which thankfully she did.

I think back on that time and to where I am now and it truly amazes me that finally, I am able to just pack a bag, hop on a plane and flit off to where I fancy.  Completely alone.  Completely without worry or fear.  I really appreciate and enjoy it and whilst I do occasionally feel a little homesick and sorrowful at my lack of anchorage, it's at times like this that I realise how fortunate I am.  How much freedom I have.  Although, this then has the tendency to almost make me break out in hives at the thought of tying myself to a permanent address anywhere, but I think it's unrealistic to think that we can sustain such an imbalanced life for long without suffering.  When I think back to when I lived in England and worked a day job, six days a week, I continually craved my freedom and desperately sought escape.  Now I am entirely free, but I cannot deny that my freedom comes at a cost; that of a home and my own personal space, amongst other things.

Everything I do now, is to work towards finding a balance in my life.  To lay roots, but have the freedom of exploration.  I think, the more you learn to find that balance, the less affected you are by the 'grass is always greener' condition.  For me personally, prior to traveling, I spent a lot of my life dreaming of a better one and even now, I sometimes have to be reminded to be present and acknowledge how great things are and to be thankful of that.  Okay, I can't say that I know where I'm going to be, or what I'll be doing, next month, or even by Christmas, but I can say that I'm finally alright with that.  When it comes to life, whilst you may have a direction in mind and an idea of the journey to get there, you simply can't have a plan, because you just don't know what's going to happen and there are always guaranteed to be curve-balls thrown your way.  The more you learn to let go and work with what comes up, unexpected or otherwise and go with the eventual detours, the happier you'll be, because constantly pushing against the tide will only serve to wear you out in the end.

So here I am, in France, the sun is shining, it's the middle of October, I'm finishing up my book and enjoying spending time with my friend.  What happens after here is currently unknown, but I'm okay with that.

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{Sharing is Caring} Life & Other Teachings

I think the internet is such a powerful tool.  The amount of people I have met through the wonderment of social media, is really quite astonishing.  In this modern day, with the opportunity to travel being what it is and our almost obsessive need to openly and publicly share our lives, on a somewhat daily basis, you can't help but slowly start to feel as though, the world isn't really that big of a space after all and that perhaps, we are surprisingly more connected to one another than we previously thought.  I mean, how many times has the 'six degrees of separation' concept been proven to you, via a little late night Facebook stalking?

Personally, I choose to accept and embrace this new age of social advance.  Yes, okay, sometimes we find ourselves 'over-sharing' and I definitely think there should be better filter systems in place on certain social platforms, because I'm sorry but, I really don't wish to see your child's mucky face after devouring a packet of chocolate buttons, however, when you find yourself feeling isolated in the 'real' world, sometimes it can be life saving to feel connected to someone via a virtual one.  Knowing that someone, somewhere, out there in the world, has felt what you're feeling, has gone through what you yourself have struggled with, who understands and is prepared to communicate with you about it, that is something kinda special, something that really, we're quite privileged to have access to as a generation.

I truly love speaking to such a vast variety of people, about a broad range of subjects.  I love reading about other people's lives and their experiences.  Having that mix of view points, is what helps to give us perspective on our own lives and perhaps our outlook and beliefs too, which I think is really important.  A lot of the time I spend online is spent reading other blogs and articles, along with silly things like pinning snaps on Pinterest and forever double tapping on Instagram.  There is just so much inspiration out there!  It's boundless and never ending and quite frankly, I love it!  Okay, sometimes I need to be dragged away from my laptop, or my phone, in order to actually get back into the 'real' world, but I don't think that the virtual one we're all admittedly obsessed with, is a bad place.

I think, if you give it its due, use it wisely and balance out its importance, with that of living in the 'real' world, you can gain a lot.  Especially, when you share what you find and in the interest of doing so, I would like to start sharing some of the great things I have found, including the writings of Alessia Di Capua, through her blog Life & Other Teachings.  I find her writing to be most poetic and often haunting, such as in this post; 'A Letter To An Old Perfectionist,' which she has kindly allowed me to share with you.

“Forgive yourself for the times you stumbled upstairs without a “Goodnight” to your parents. Forgive yourself for the days you thought coffee was the only food group you needed. Forgive yourself for sticking around people that didn’t make you feel important. Forgive yourself for letting another influence the thoughts you worked so hard to conquer. Forgive yourself for leaving early to just be alone.

Forgive yourself for shunning your mind, when it sang only sweet words of your body and to hell with what others think. Forgive yourself for saying your hips were nothing but ‘gross’. One day they will anchor shopping, laundry, heavy burdens and a few sneaky treats. Forgive yourself for the nights you couldn’t sleep and thought of only the negative. Positivity arrived eventually and those nights hold no grudges. Forgive yourself for feeling angry, fear was big and biting. It’s done, let go.

Celebrate that your story is full to the brim with major departures and even bigger arrivals. This is your life now, don’t forget to laugh. Stand up straight, you have all the armour you could ever need. See with wide eyes and believe with an open mind.”

This is my favourite post of Alessia's thus far and I would even go so far as to say, that I would quite like to have this framed and hung in my apartment...when I get an apartment that is.  I find that she very much writes from the heart and in an eloquent manner, which is something I really admire and appreciate.  Her photography is also stunning, as you can see in the accompanying photograph, which was taken from another post on her site.

If you would like to read more of her work, you can head over to her blog or find her on:

Twitter
Instagram
Bloglovin'

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{Insightful Sunday} Take Courage.

Even when you're as unattached and flighty as me, it can be surprising how easy it is to get caught up in the daily grind of things and lose focus.  I for one, had certainly seen myself fall off track over the past few months and had unfortunately ended up sucked into the chaotic vortex of routine in Berlin.  All of the passion I'd inherited during the start of my travels, had slowly petered out over time to such an extent, that I almost found myself climbing back into the same cage I'd courageously managed to escape from, when I left England fourteen months ago!

Being back in the temporary bosom of Kent, whilst not initially something I craved, has ended up being a real eye opener for me.  Being able to catch up with some of my wonderful friends and witnessing how many of them are finally starting to break out of their own shells and start following their real passions and their hearts, it's really made me smile and acted to re-inspire me.  Sometimes, when we shake off the shackles and run free into the woods, we can't help but get a little lost along the way, distracted by creatures that appear and paths that open up.  Sometimes, we need a little reminder of where we're going.  This has certainly been that.

I've always said that being yourself is the most important thing.  Living authentically.  Doing what's right for you as an individual.  Doing things for the right reasons and out of love, not fear or hate.  Putting good energy out there, for yourself and for others, is important when you consider that what goes around comes back around.  Although, I know only too well that at times this can be hard, especially when not everyone knows who they are and in some cases, not everyone is ready to even be who they are.  They can sometimes be the folks who have a tendency to project their fear and negativity onto you, in an attempt to bring you down, because they're not quite ready to get up yet.

Sometimes, in the end, it's those people that you realise you're fighting for.  If you've got the courage to let your freak flag fly and be proud of it, no matter what, it helps to show them that they can too.  They need to be encouraged to dream big, outrageously big and shown that dreams really can come true, if you believe enough.  Yes, okay, life isn't always easy, but if it was, well, damn, we'd probably all be done right now and what would be left to learn.  It can be a hard slog and sometimes it feels overwhelming, but if you can keep strong and get through the tough times, I truly believe you'll find it's worth it.

Think of all the times your heart sang out.  All the times you cried with joy.  All the times you laughed so hard your stomach hurt.  Ultimately, weren't they worth the salty tears and the sleepless nights and in fairness, how could you ever truly know how great those moments really were, if you didn't have the dark times to compare them against.  It's in those brutal, broken states, that we come to appreciate the good and recognise how getting through them, made us see just how capable we are and how much we're able to achieve, when we only have the courage to persevere.

I for one don't want to blend in.  I don't want a routine.  I don't want my life to be beige.  To be bland.  My wardrobe may be monochrome, but my heart is technicolor!  I openly and actively allow myself to dream big, because I genuinely believe in my ability to make those crazy ideas come true, regardless of how unrealistic they may seem.  There's a little individual sparkle in each and every one of us, we just need to learn to let that fleck of light shine out and not allow it to be dimmed by other people's opposing opinions, beliefs or views and most importantly, not by our own doubts and insecurities!  If ever there was a time to let your freak flag fly, now would be it!  So please, take courage, 'cause where you're going, you're gonna need it!

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