It’s good to acknowledge how hard this is
How my heart will never let go
Of its grip around you and yours
It’s good to acknowledge I can’t do this
Let someone into the wreckage
You created and I upheld
It’s good to acknowledge the eternal hurt
Inflicted by words that turned into wounds
Caresses that evolved into chokeholds
It’s good to acknowledge the bitter sweetness
Of your visits in my dreams at night
Telling me it’s not yet time
That we both have things to do and other people to love
It’s good to acknowledge the ache of longing
Knowing I’ll never not believe
In you and the two of us
#38
Does my skin confuse you
Or do you recognise my soul
Recall the lifetimes
When together we felt whole
Does it hurt you
The way I hold you in the night
Bring back the memories
Of all those times gone by
Do you feel the separation
The guilt of letting go
Forgetting
You were only going home
I know it scares you
To lose me once again
I know it kills you
That this time will also end
But I’ll find you
When we take form again
#37
Private institution of a God
They call it madness
I say, I’m a witness
To their blindness
Third eye open
Seeing when they’re sleeping
Forgot their own divinity
Not believing what they’re feeling
Playing human
Playing small
Consuming poison
That they’re feeding
Sitting silent
When they know they should be teaching
Crying out in the dark
Longing to feel whole
Yet, creating separation
Through a screen
Through a mask
Through an identity hold
Hoping meditation will save them
From delusion
Even though they’re homesick for a place they don’t believe in
Guess this is just how it is to be human
#36
Grip, grip, grip
’Til I can’t let go
But you’ve already walked away
Red dirt on the soles of my feet
It’s been two years to the day
Sandalwood on my skin
Makes me weep with every inhale
What it is to be back here again
Knowing nothing’s quite the same
#35
Dark eyes, never seen depth
Leaves me with a sense of sadness
Clarity as clear as the sea
But he’s still focussed on the sand
Sunrise goodbyes
Standing on the platform
With tears in my eyes
He turns and forgets who I am
#34
Some days it’s love
Some days it’s lust
Some days you’re choking me
Other times, your fingertips are tracing the outlines of my curves
The softness of my flesh arousing your desire
Then your loathing
Grabbing at me, like I’m full of the hatred you have for yourself
Pushing
And pulling
Kindness wrapped in the cloth of your disdain
And disappointment
Burrowed underneath the surface
Your fear fills the room
You’re running
Away
Then Back
Nestle your soft curls in my tender breast
Kiss it better
Kisses turn bitter
You’re slipping through my fingers
Through the cracks
Seeping through the floorboards
’Til you’re gone again
But, you’re never really gone
Just displaced
Contemplating your return
Your riotous re-emergence
Your bullet through my heart
Your death knell
To our love
Our lust
Our everything
#33
Turns out it’s not enough to merely love someone
You have to hold their heart in your hands
And restrain yourself from crushing it to death
In the heat of many moments
Turns out loving someone takes patience
Many moons cannot withstand
Turns out loving you is costly
A price I never knew I couldn’t afford
Until I’d bankrupted myself for just a taste
Turns out love is a crushing blow
When it’s all you have to give
And there’s no reward for giving
#32
I know that you are waiting
But I ask you to wait no more
For this is no longer about patience
It’s a case of moving forward
I forgive you for this distance
For I knew you were afraid
All your history was threatening
To regurgitate the pain
#31
My darling you have taught me
How my weakness shows my strength
And through the breaking comes the breakthroughs
And for that I can’t regret
All the memories of time shared
All the words that we exchanged
For in the midst of all the heartache
I have evolved and I have changed
#30
Lost in an abyss, so grand and deep
I’m drowning in the sound of silence
These two hearts break, due to careless mistakes
Only recognised too late to mend and heal
Our fragile minds brought into decline by egos left untamed
Words thrown around like knives inflicting nothing but pain
And the waiting game creates a spacious frame
Where all our dreams and hopes erode
We followed one another into the cosmic mist
Only to fall into the great unknown