Who I am is undefined
Hidden and eroded lightly over time
My expression brought into question
By the judgement of others
Who hold my attention
Is it me I’m looking at
Or a creation of external influence
That’s moulded a new aesthetic
One I’m not convinced is a true reflection
Whilst my roots have taken hold
My branches have been restricted
My blossoming on hold
I wait for my moment to expose
Expand
And burst into a coloured stream
Of intuitive expression
I am calling an end
To my long withstanding repression
#48
I made love
He fucked
I made promises
He spoke words
I committed
He ran away
I regretted
He moved on
I had loved
He’d desired
I’d enriched
He’d drained
I spoke my truths
He wrote his
I’d fought
He’d fled
I learned
By God, I hope he learned
#47
This is the dawn’s chorus
Gently echoing throughout our day
This is the breaking
That calls before the breakthrough
This is great love
Imbued with discontented suffering
This is letting go
So that we may learn to freely receive
This is the change
Accelerating us rapidly into progress
This is uncomfortable
Yet we see the necessity in its arrival
This is understanding
What it is to not know until it’s too late
This is the slumber
From which we were destined to awake
#46
All this grieving is achieving nothing
In the unimaginable void that grew between two people
Who knew right from the start
But simply weren’t ready to play their parts
Now each day I try to cope
Steady my never and try not to revoke
All the words I stood by solemnly
In a time that now seems dead to me
You were the heartbeat that kept me up at night
Now you’re the shadow cast by the light in every room
You are gone, yet the taste of you lives on
And I spend my days trying to forget
For every memory is a stab in my very fragile chest
The thought of a day that would bring happiness without you
Is a bitter pill to swallow
Although, one I must accept
Unless you too are sat there
Thinking all the same thoughts that I do
Then I ask now are you ready
To play the part I wrote for you
#45
This body is a prison
This body is a cage
I want to tear its flesh apart
Destroy it with my rage
This body holds me captive
This body holds me tight
I want to break its bones apart
Suffocate it in the night
This body is a failure
This body hurts my soul
It’s inhabited by ghosts
Longing to go home
This body is a fire
This body is a flame
I’m burning with desire
To be free of it again
#44
Touching skin-to-skin
I broke my walls down to let you in
Kissed my soul a sweet goodbye
I don’t know how to reply
When you say that you love me
Tears wash away my sins
Purify my mind and my thinking
Come inside me in the night
Silent touches bring delight
I don’t know if this is love, but it feels right
Distant memories engrained
Gently fading like the summer rain
Hold my hand and walk me through
I want to heal and mend for you
I need for love to come on through me
Shelter in the storm
Burn my bridges to keep me warm
Eyes meeting in the dark
It’s a knowing, it’s a spark
I don’t know you, but you feel like mine
Truth unraveled
Revealing scars
You’re the journey, you’re the path
I want to be all in
You’re the saviour and the sin
#43
Love is a hopeless endeavour
Weather the storm
Take in the pleasure
Build a home over a crack
Play dumb
Hope that it lasts
#42
His love blossoms
Like a tight bud
Gently unfolding
In the sizzling summer sun
The scent of his affection
Laying heavy
On my skin
Reminding me
Moment-by-moment
That he is mine
And I am his
#41
Rough grip
Left me like a rag on the bed
Half dressed and broken
Says he loves me
Never knew love like this
Soft tone
But each word deliberate
Drips like poison
Every syllable
Flipping between loving and cold
Tells me to go
Yet frets when I leave
So I stay
And I stay
And I stay
’Til there's nothing good left of me
At long last
Cool breeze
Carries me away
#40
It’s over
Although, in a way, it had never quite begun
But I grew tired of it all the same
The dull ache
The way my limbs felt numb
When he held me
Clumsily
Touching skin-to-skin
As though he’d never seen a naked woman
Didn’t know where to begin
Always whispering these pleasantries
Making promises I knew he’d never keep
I’d just pretend that I believed him
Then lay cold
As he fell serenely off to sleep